Take that, Leeching Discontentment!

This is how I feel. You should too.

I have an announcement! There are changes coming, and it’ll be a grand ride. Don’t worry. I’m keeping this blog running. It was a tough couple of seconds for you, wasn’t it? The changes I’m talking about are about my career. I’m tired of being dissatisfied with it. You know, discontentment leeches all your energy until you’re practically covered in hardened asphalt. I haven’t been satisfied with my life for eight years, and I’m totally finished with it. I’m over it. It’s stupid. I’m not doing it anymore.

Have you ever heard the phrase “You plan. God laughs?” Even if you’re not religious, there’s a hint of truth in it regardless. How is that every time you try to plan your life something goes wrong? It may not be disastrous, or maybe it is, but it’s still not what you had planned. I constantly tell my friends that they have to make themselves happy, but I don’t take my own advice. I say I do, but let’s be honest, I don’t try that hard. So here I am going to start making my own happiness, which means a change of plan. Again. But this time I, somehow, think it’ll work out better.

I was supposed to be a doctor. That didn’t happen because I changed my mind. I was supposed to get a PhD in English literature and be some amazing professor that inspires students to read and explore the written word. That also didn’t happen because I didn’t think I could handle four more years of academia. I was supposed to be a published novelist by now. Obviously didn’t happen. I was supposed to be a wife and mother, too. I’m not either of them. Why don’t I simply be myself instead of placing myself in roles that maybe I’m not meant for, or at least not yet?

My friend Sweet Pea (my new nickname for her because she’s sweeter than me) told me the other day that she thinks anxiety drives me. She’s right. So in my anxiety-driven state a couple of months ago, I decided to pursue a new career. I don’t want to work a job that I hate or dread or simply don’t care either way. I want to use my talents and my heart for others and be happy with myself and my life. So here’s my new plan: teach English to speakers of other languages. Once I make up my mind (which is an exceptionally long process), I move things along quickly, which means I’ve already been accepted onto a course that starts September 22. It’s a month long, and I have to move. Don’t get me started on how much it costs to live in that city for a month. In the end, though, I’ll be able to teach the English language around the world, including the US, and that, my friends, makes me happy.

Sweet Pea also told me the other day that I have a big heart but no one to share it with. She was referring to a husband, but you know what? I’m going to take my big heart that’s bursting with love and share it with people who are new to this country. Have you ever lived in a country where you don’t speak the language? I have (not Scotland, although sometimes I wondered.). It can be overwhelming, confusing, and you can feel lost. I want to help them transition to independence and autonomy. Let’s not forget that I get to use my love of words! I’ll also continue writing because I’m really not me if I’m not writing, or complaining about not being disciplined enough to write. So here’s me making myself happy and actually feeling at peace for the first time in eight years about my career.

For everyone’s information, that might mean blog posts about why we say “I walk and then take the subway” in response to the question, “How do you get to school?” instead of, “I’m walking and then taking the subway.” Let your linguistics taste buds rejoice!

And if Sweet Pea or Smarty Pants are reading this, thank you for listening to me complain. You guys really do rock.


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