It’s amazing what things you come up with when you stop thinking, analyzing, and controlling every part of your life. On Saturday, I was sitting at my computer wanting to draw (I have a Wacom tablet hence the computer and not sketchpad.). I didn’t know what to draw because I’m not an artist by any means. I’m a doodler. So I did the same as I do with my writing when I have no ideas—I listen to a song and see what happens. The songs I choose are usually not in English; it helps to drown out that inner critic, the thinking part. What I ended up with was a bunch of scribbles that kind of looked like a man lost in the tumbling water of a waterfall in a small canoe and a woman towering over him, guiding him, but that’s up for interpretation. However, it released some subconscious feelings.
The thing about subconscious feelings is that you don’t know they’re there. For someone who is rather in-tune with her emotions, it can be aggravating to say the least. After scribbling that waterfall thing, I realized something was bothering me—helplessness. I can’t make everything better for my friends and family who are having a rough holiday season, and that angers me. I feel powerless.
There are so many people in this world who are hurting right now, who hate Christmas and all the holidays around this time. They’re lonely. They’re hungry. They’re in pain for any number of reasons. I guess you could call me too sensitive. All I know is that I wish my friends and everyone else having a rough Christmas to know that there is someone out there praying for you. I may not know your name or your troubles, but I pray that you find peace and comfort during this time. Take this drawing as an offering of someone somewhere in this world who does want you to smile again.
I never imagined I’d be the type of person to just lay it all out on a blog, but I suppose if something weighs on you, it’s best to let it out. There is so much negativity and hatred in this world that a little bit of sunshine and love could go a long way. Let’s end with an amusing anecdote, shall we?
When I was studying at St. Andrews, I went on a trip to York in November with my study abroad organization. Gandalf was there of course. She and I and a bunch of our friends were walking down the cobblestone streets at night with the twinkling Christmas lights above. A living Diagon Alley if you ask me. It was bustling if I recall correctly. Our friend Alex had her arm around my shoulder. I forget why. As we passed these two men (young adults by the look of them), one of them shouted “Usually I have to pay to see that!” She and I looked at each other for a second and then laughed. Maybe you had to be there, but that weekend was awesome even if the Cookies weren’t very good.
So keep laughing, smiling, and loving. The bad times can’t stay for too long if you do, right?